A couple of weeks ago, I was in Nashville for the Blissdom Conference. It was an amazing experience!
I had so much fun hanging out with my favorite bloggers and learning more ways to grow my blog.
We laughed, and hugged, and talked and talked and talked. My kind of conference!
But I have to be honest and tell you that I struggled with something while I was there.
Insecurity.
Have you ever struggled with it?
It comes from a place when we do not feel “secure” in who we are.
And we usually do not feel secure when we try and compare ourselves to others.
“I wish my home was as big as….”
“Her kids always look so perfect, and my kids have stains on their shirts.”
“I wish I had money to spend on my hair and clothes, like so and so.”
“Why do I have so many wrinkles at my age?”
“I need to loose weight, so I can look like…”
“I’m not a good wife.”
“I wish I had more patience with my kids. I yell too much. I’m a horrible mom.”
I have thought all of these things at one time or another.
Well, at Blissdom, I guess you could say I was struggling with Blog Insecurity.
Each night as I went back to my room, my insecurities would begin to surface.
Negative little whispers in my head.
“What are you doing here, Traci?”
“Has anyone figured out yet that you are not that talented?”
“Well, you can do some good things on your blog, but you will never be as good as (insert name).”
“You’ve got big dreams for your blog, Traci, but don’t be naive. It will never happen.”
Those whispers would roll around and around in my head each night as I tried to sleep.
And I began to doubt my abilities and my worth.
I was so thankful to be able to attend a Thursday morning prayer breakfast while at Blissdom.
I woke up that morning heavy hearted, and I knew that talking to Jesus about it would give me peace.
It’s that peace that I saw displayed so strongly in my mom as she faced death.
A peace that passes all understanding.
“My peace I give to you. My peace I leave with you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.” John 14:27
As I held hands with other believers that morning and prayed, my burdens were lifted, and I felt God’s love pierce my insecure heart.
What a peace I find in knowing that God loves me no matter what…
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger,
abounding in love and faithfulness (Psalm 86:15).
That he has a perfect plan for me and my life…
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
(Jeremiah 29:11-13)
.
And that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ…
For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 8:38-39)
Knowing these promises wipes away my insecurities because I know that I am SECURE in Christ.
I will never be the perfect mom or wife. My blog will never be the biggest or the best. Wrinkles will come and so will the pounds.
But life is more than those things.
Life is about knowing and loving Jesus Christ.
As I was at Blissdom, an old Amy Grant song kept coming up in my head. (I was a huge Amy Grant fan in middle and high school. Her music deepened my faith as a young girl full of insecurities.)
The words of the song that kept coming to my mind were, “All I ever have to be, is what You’ve made in me.”
That’s the bottom line.
All I ever have to be, is what God made me. I am full of sin, but He is full of forgiveness. I can trust Him to show me the way through this crazy life.
If you haven’t heard this song before, here it is.
The reason I shared these thoughts is because I know that I am not the only one who struggles with insecurities. I never want to appear on my blog as someone who has it all together. I do not.
My prayer for you today is that you would know how great God’s love is for you and that you would find your security in Him.
