Wow! I never thought I would hear myself saying those words.
I have thought about the reaction of my readers to the title this post.
Some of my readers probably didn’t even click on it.
Others may have clicked on this post out of curiosity.
And then there are those of you who were shocked when you saw the title.
You are the readers who have been with me the past two years. The ones who prayed for my mom when she got sick. The ones who cried with me when you heard she died. And the ones who met me here on my blog every week for my “Wednesdays with Wanda” posts last year. You heard the pain in my words. You felt the sadness in my heart. Over time, you have begun to see God heal my hurts through His love and your words of encouragement. And you have witnessed the power of a mother’s love in her daughter’s life.
I think of Mom everyday. But God has replaced my sadness with hope. He has filled my heart with so much love for my family and my life. I am determined to love my boys with the same love my mom gave me, (or as close as I can get to it.) :)
And now I have entered a new chapter…
My dad is getting married.
I always thought that my dad remarrying would kill me.
But God in His overwhelming goodness has placed in my dad’s life an amazing Godly woman to love him.
How can I be upset about that?
My precious children’s minister at church, Joyce, lost her mom when she was in her 30′s as well. She knew what I was going through when Mom was sick and dying. She gave me such words of encouragement and strength during that time. One thing she told me was that my dad would remarry. WHAT!? How could she say that?
Her dad had remarried too, and she knew the heartache that can come with it, and she wanted to lovingly prepare me if my dad were to remarry.
I remember telling her, “Joyce, it’s not about when or if my dad remarries, it’s WHO.”
And I meant that.
Well, let me tell you WHO he is marrying. Janet is one of the most precious women I have ever met. Honestly, she reminds me so much of my mom in so many ways. Which can be hard because it makes me miss my mom even more. But then I stand in amazement of how great God is to place someone in our lives that is so much like our mom.
Janet is kind. She is Godly. She loves my boys! She is always smiling. She is fun. She loves my dad! She loves family.
And she knew of my mom. She has been friends many years with my mom’s sister, Nancy. She knew of Mom’s love for Jesus and the lives she had touched with His love. She loves hearing stories and memories of my mom. She wants us to talk of her often. She wants my children to remember her. She doesn’t want to replace my mom. She wants to honor her.
I believe that Janet is an answer to our prayers. And an answer to my mom’s prayers.
There is not a single doubt in my mind that Mom had prayed many prayers on this earth in her lifetime for God to take care of my dad and her children. I know she prayed that if anything ever happened to her, that God would place a Godly woman in his life to love him. I pray that about my own sweet husband. If something were to happen to me now, I pray that God would someday place someone special in his life to love him and care for our boys.
But I also pray that I get to grow old with my husband, as I know that my mom did too (I saw those exact words written in one of her prayer journals.) She wanted many more years on this earth with my dad. They had been married 44 wonderful years, and they honored the words they spoke on their wedding day, “til death do us part.” I know that as my mom faced death, she once again prayed that God would take care of my Dad. I remember having a conversation with her a few weeks before she passed away, and with tears in her eyes she told me that she trusted God to take care of us. She said she wanted to watch us grow, especially her grandchildren…and then I heard her say again, “But I trust Him.” She trusted God with all her heart. She knew that God would take care of us.
The past two years have been hard on my dad. He has seemed lost without mom. He has been living with my sister and her husband which was such a blessing. But Dad was lonely. This past winter was especially hard on him. It was hard for us to watch him be so depressed. My Dad has a HUGE heart, and he loves his family so much. Family is everything to him. He has so much love to share, and now the Lord has given him someone to share his life with.
I wish you could be here with me to see how happy my dad is. He is like a new person. He smiles constantly, and I feel like I have my dad back.
How can I be sad?
Do I miss mom?
Yes, more than ever.
The first time I met Janet was at my sister’s house. We got together as a family to meet her. The evening was wonderful, and I was so impressed with Dad’s choice in Janet.
But the whole 30 minute drive home, I cried. That night, I cried myself to sleep. I wanted MY mom!!!
Yet there was a feeling that God was doing something great in my dad’s life.
The second time I saw Janet, I gave her a hug when she and Dad walked in the room. As I hugged her, I felt something well up inside me. It started in my stomach, came up my chest, into my throat, and was headed out my eyes. I quietly walked to the bathroom, closed the door, and began to sob. I cried and cried. Oh, I missed my mom!
Dad and Janet didn’t know I had been crying. I refreshed my makeup once I got it together. :)
But that night when I got home, I thought about why hugging Janet made me cry? And then I realized…it felt good to feel a mother’s hug. I’ve missed my mom’s hugs so much!
Then I felt guilty.
Would I hurt Mom’s feelings if she knew I enjoyed my hug from Janet?
I knew the answer immediately…NO.
“No,” my mom would say.
If anything, I can hear my mom saying to Janet, “Hug her real tight, Janet. She needs to feel a mother’s love.”
Mom had that kind of selfless love.
Honestly, I kind of feel like Mom handpicked Janet for my dad. She was probably on her knees before God’s throne saying, “Lord, Doug deserves the best. Give him someone who loves You. Give him someone who will make him happy and love my children. “ and…“Could I suggest Janet, Lord?” :)
That thought just makes me smile!
So in a few weeks, my Dad will be married, I will have a step-mom, and my children will have a step-grandmother. And there will still be sad moments to work through. And things to get used to.
But I am praising my Father in Heaven for the love He has shown my family through all of this.
Life is so short. I don’t want to waste my time questioning why things like this happen in our lives.
So I will choose to embrace these moments.
More than anything in this world, I want my dad to be happy. Having him remarry may make me uncomfortable at times, but I want him to be happy more than I want to be comfortable.
Above all, I trust God.
I just had to share this news with YOU, my readers.
Thank you for walking this journey with me.
Blessings,
Traci
