Wednesdays with Wanda | Beneath My Heart

Dear Mom, {I Miss You}

4:55 pm

Dear Mom,

I miss you so much.

I cannot believe that today marks two years that you have been gone from this earth.

My heart cannot believe it.

So many things have changed. So many things that I could tell you.

But the one thing that stands out most in my mind is…

Your life made a difference in mine.

The Godly example that you set for me to follow in the 38 years that you were my mom is still leading me today.

And the example of faith that you showed in your last months on this earth has touched not only my heart, but many others.

I will never be the same, Mom.

You have set my mind on heavenly things.

You helped to change my perspective on what really matters most in this life, and I am forever grateful.

Mom, as you faced death, you taught us all to look for God’s blessing through the trials we were facing. You taught us not to be bitter or angry, but to TRUST GOD to take care of us.

I am still amazed at how blessed we all felt during such a difficult season. And I am amazed even more by all the blessings that God has sent down on our family even since you have passed away.

And then it dawned on me. Mom… YOU were the BLESSING!

YOU WERE THE BLESSING!!!

Thank you, Mom.

I have a necklace that I got to remind me of you. I wear it all the time.

And a song came out this year called, “Blessings” by Laura Story.

The words are so profound and so true, and I know you would have loved this song.

The pain that I have felt since you have been gone has reminded me that THIS IS NOT MY HOME.

We visited your grave site today.

We introduce your first great grand child to you, Colt Allen Rogers (named after you).

He’s perfect. And you would be so proud of Courtney as a mom.

Here is a picture of Dad, your son, and your grandson holding your great grandson.

Cory, your first grandson, holding Colt, your first great grandson…

We all miss you so much! We talked about how you were “one of a kind”. Cory misses your Sunday afternoon dinners, and your long late night chats. I miss your apple pies and our talks on the phone. Cyndi misses you helping her decorate her house. Blake feels like he let you down those last years you were living. But I know the truth Mom…you were always proud of him. And Mom your prayers were answered. God has healed Blake’s marriage and family. I wish you could see how happy he and Ande are together. God is so good.

And Dad says he misses you every day.

I think you would be proud of us, Mom. We’ve tried to honor God with our lives. And we’ve tried to honor you as well.

We’re just following the example you left us.

How good it is to know that a mother’s love never ends. It never stops giving. I hear your voice all the time, leading me, guiding me, and encouraging me.

Thank you, Mom!

And Mom, I know you heard the good news in heaven last night. :) Adam accepted Jesus as his savior last night! He is so excited, and I know you are too.

I love you, Mom.

I would give anything to hold your hand and hear your sweet voice again.

But until I see you in Heaven again, I will hold you close in my heart.

************************************

To read more about my mom, her life, and her death, click HERE.

Tweet This Post

Wednesday with Wanda

6:00 am

Welcome to my first Wednesday with Wanda post of 2011.

If you are new to my blog, you may be wondering about the title of this post.

Let me explain.

My mom’s name is Wanda.

mom

She will always be the most creative, inspiring, and Godly woman I have ever known.

Her well-lived life ended on September 22, 2009 after a short, 7 week battle with Stage 4 Gastric Cancer.

Shortly after her passing, I began sharing a post each Wednesday about my amazing Mom as a way to document her life for my 4 young sons to remember her by. Writing about Mom also helped me with the healing.

My last weekly post about Mom was September 22, 2010. But I still want to take the time to occasionally share with you more about my precious Mother.

So here I am now, beginning another new year without her.

I cannot hardly believe we just celebrated our second Christmas without Mom. And though Christmas was full of laughter and joy, it will never be the same without her. No one did Christmas like Mom!

I still miss her terribly, and there are so many things I need to talk to her about right now. She was a great listener and encourager. The best.

However the pains and aches of losing Mom are not as strong and not as frequent as they used to be. Everyone kept telling me it would get easier. And it has.

That’s the part I don’t like.

When people used to tell me that, it would almost make me mad. I didn’t want the pain to go away.

I wanted the burning ache inside my chest. It was in that painful place that I felt the closest to Mom. The pain was evidence of what a big part of my heart she had touched.

But I know God does not want us to stay in that painful place. He wants us to learn and grow from it and move on.

And Mom would want that too.

One thing that I have learned since my mom’s passing is that your mother’s voice is always with you. I hear my mom in my heart all the time.

Her words of advice.

Her words of encouragement.

Her silly sayings…”Huggy Buggy!”

Her off-key voice.

I heard her singing this past Sunday in church. It took my breath away.

The service was over and we were asked to stand for the last hymn.

The piano began to play an old familiar hymn, “Have Faith In God”.

As the first verse began, I heard her. Singing at the top of her lungs. And I was taken back to that precious place in my childhood.

The place where I stood right beside her holding her hand as she sang.

The place where I looked up at her, in her beautiful Sunday dress, and smiled as she looked down at me.

I heard that beautiful off-key voice every Sunday as a child. But I also felt the strength and faith in that voice. She meant every word she sang. She clung to each one.

As I was taken back to that time in my life, when my Mom was planting seeds of faith in my own heart, my eyes began to fill with tears and my heart longed to hear her sweet voice just one more time here on earth.

My oldest son was standing beside me, and he saw the tears on my cheeks. He grabbed my hand and leaned his head against me. He knew I was thinking of Mom.

And then I realized. It’s my turn.

It’s my child…my hand he’s holding…my faith that he sees…

What will he remember?

I pray that he hears and sees in me the same strength and faith that I saw in my mom.

It made me realize how our Christian influence on our children as mothers is not only while we are living, but even when we are gone.

And I take comfort in knowing that long after I am gone, he may still my voice in his heart.

Before I go, here are the words of the hymn I heard Mom singing…

Have faith in God when your pathway is lonely.
He sees and knows all the way you have trod;
Never alone are the least of His children;
Have faith in God, have faith in God.

Have faith in God when your prayers are unanswered,
Your earnest plea He will never forget;
Wait on the lord, trust His word and be patient,
Have faith in God. He’ll answer yet.

Have faith in God in your pain and your sorrow,
His heart is touched with your grief and despair;
Cast all your cares and your burdens upon Him,
And leave them there, oh, leave them there.

Have faith in God though all else fall about you;
Have faith in God, He provides for His own:
He cannot fail though all kingdoms shall perish.
He rules. He reigns upon His throne.

Refrain:

Have faith in God, He’s on His throne,
Have faith in God, He watches over His own;
He cannot fail, He must prevail,
Have faith in God, Have faith in God.
*******************************************************************

I also wanted to let you know that I have added a page at the top of my blog for all of my Wednesdays with Wanda posts. If you scroll to the very top and look above my header, you will see it.

Many of you have asked me to direct you to an older post I had written about Mom because you couldn’t find it. So I wanted them to be all in one place.

If you click on that link, it will take you to a page with all of the posts about my mom in order from the very first one to the most recent.

If you were not following my blog, please take a minute to read some of my mom’s story. She was an amazing woman, and I think you will be blessed.

Thank you ALL for traveling on this journey with me!

God Bless You!