It felt so good writing the title for this post!

It’s been 7 weeks since my last Wednesdays with Wanda post, and I’ve missed it.

It feels so good to go back to that “place” where my mom still feels so close to me.

It’s Tuesday night as I write this, and it’s my second birthday without my mom.  The big 4-0.  Yes, I said it.  I am forty. Wow.  That hurts.

Mom would be so excited about me turning forty.  And believe you me, she would have called me early in the morning to be the first one to tell me Happy Birthday.

Mom loved celebrating birthdays.

Who am I kidding, she loved celebrating people (especially her children).

Mom loved celebrating.

She loved making others feel special.  It was her gift.

My sister gave me something the other night at my birthday dinner that I hadn’t seen in years.  It brought an instant smile to my face followed by tears and that familiar ache of missing mom.

It’s another one of those handwritten keepsakes from my mom that make her so dear to me.

In 1991, Mom decided to make a list of all the “favorites” of every member of our family.  I was 21 at the time, and the days of having big birthday parties with lots of friends and presents were drawing to a close.  I was at the age where a birthday meant a small get together with just family.  The way I liked it best.  :)

Mom decided that she wanted a list of all of our favorite things to make our special day as special as she could.

So she made us all fill one out, me, my sister, my brother, and dad.  And she saved the information in a file to save for our special day (or any day that she wanted to make us feel special).

Here is mine:

Not too much has changed over the last 20 years as far as my favorite foods go!

We did get a few laughs about some of the things I wrote, though.

I do not remember ever liking chinese noodles on my salad.

Or ever even eating califlower casserole.

#8 cracks me up!  Favorite Fish…Long John Silvers!

Yep.  That was the truth.

Until I married my husband, the only fish I had ever eaten was Long John Silvers!

Luckily, his family loves fish and now I can say that my favorite fish is Salmon.  Yum!

Fruity Pebbles is still my favorite cereal.  I can eat the whole box in one sitting.

And of course, my favorite candy is still buckeyes. :)

As I read over this list, I felt so loved.  Mom cared about the details of my life.

And as I grew older, and she would have me and my family over for Sunday dinner near my birthday, you can bet she had made me something off of my list.

My sweet sister made me parsley potatoes and green beans for my birthday supper the other night.  Thank you, Cyndi.

I was so glad Cyndi found this list!

I am going to have my children and my husband fill one out too.  Of course, my sons’ “favorite” foods will probably change over the years.  I expect I will have to update it!  :)

My prayer is that they will feel the same love that I felt from my mom whenever she made things for me off of my “favorite” list.

If I had the chance to go back a few years, I would make a list for my mom and have her fill out her favorite foods.  I am sad I  never thought to do that.  And if I could, I would make everything on her list for her everyday, just to show her how much I loved her.  And I would make everything on her list everyday for the rest of her life, and I would still not be able to repay her for all that she did for me.

Do me a favor.

If you are still blessed to have a mom on this earth, find out her “favorites”.  You might think you already know them, but make her feel special by asking her and writing them down.

And then make her something off that list and tell her you love her.

And give her a kiss from me.

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One year ago today, my precious mother went home to be with her Lord.

This past year, I have shared her life with you every Wednesday, and in return, you have shared your love with me.

Now I want to take the time to say, “thank you”…

Father’s Day 2008

Meet Wanda…

Thank you for blessing me in so many ways this year!

All my love,

Traci

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Humbled.

That explains it.

No other word could touch how  I felt reading your comments on my Wednesdays with Wanda (WwW) post last week.

Except, blessed.

No, grateful.

Okay, and loved.

I wrote to you about next Wednesday, September 22nd, being the last  WwW post that I write.  It’s also the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing.

I asked for your advice, and you gave it.

Most of you encouraged me to do what I feel is best for me.  Thank you.

Some of you thought I should post once a month or whenever the Lord laid something on my heart to write about Mom.  Thank you.

Many of you shared the impact that my posts about Mom have made on your life and asked me to keep writing about Mom each week.  Thank you.

Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment.

Thank you for the love I felt reading them.

Thank you for confirming in my life that God has used this little blog and my mom’s precious life to touch the lives of others.

It is exactly what my heart needed to heal.

I didn’t know why I started Wednesdays with Wanda a year ago. I just had to.

But as I think back over this year, and the privilege I have had to write about my mom’s life each week, I see God’s hand working in my life and in my heart.

Each post I have written and every comment you have left have been little “band aids” on my hurting heart.  And my heart is beating stronger now.

Is it completely healed?  No.  But it sure is looking a whole lot better than it did a year ago.

I needed to share my mother’s love, because she just had so much of it to give away.  And I felt she was cut short of the chance to give it away and touch others.  And I didn’t understand why God would do that?  Why would He allow one of His most faithful and true workers to be taken from this earth too soon?  Not to mention the fact that I still needed her.  And her husband needed her.  And her grandkids needed her.

And then I hear Mom saying, when she found out she had cancer last year, “I don’t understand God, but I trust Him.”

Mom trusted Him.  (And this little girl was watching her.)

And she taught me that I can trust Him.  And I do.

I trust Him with my fears, my heartaches, my life.

And let me make it clear that it is much easier for me to write those words than to actually believe and practice them.  It’s a daily battle.  A choice I must make everyday…TRUST.

But that is the person I want to be.  The person I will always strive to be.

One of Mom’s favorite quotes that she had written in one of her bibles was by John Newton (the author of “Amazing Grace”)…“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.”

One thing I have definitely learned this past year is that life is a struggle.  It’s hard.  It hurts.

It makes me yearn for heaven and home  where…“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

So what do I do until then?  What do we do?

Look for God’s blessings in the midst of our struggles.  They are there, friends.  Look hard, you will see them.  Don’t stop looking until you do!  Pray and ask God to open your eyes so you can see them.

Do you remember the old hymn “Count your blessings”?  Mom used to sing that all the time when I was growing up.  It seems she would always sing it most when we were having a bad day or upset about something.  I can still hear her sweet voice singing, a little off-key…

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain:

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at other with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;

Count your many blessings – wealth can never buy

Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Isn’t it crazy to think that during the most difficult year of my life, I have also felt the most blessed?!

Why?

Because my heart is forever changed.

Mom taught me to trust God, to look for His blessings, and receive the peace that only He can give.

“Mom, I was watching.  I always wanted to be just like you.  Thank you for your sacrifices.  Thank you for your faithfulness to God.  Thank you for the Godly example you set in life and death.  Thank you for your precious love.  This little girl will never be the same.  Love you, love you, love you!”

Your “Magic Link”

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Hello sweet friends.

(Please be sure to read to the end of this post because I need your help with something.)

This past weekend, we celebrated my dad’s 69th birthday.

It was his first birthday without Mom.

I don’t know if you remember from last year, but my mom found out she had stage IV gastric cancer on August, 6th, 2009.  Four weeks later we celebrated Dad’s birthday.

We had a wonderful time together, but there was a sadness knowing that it would probably be their last together.

Saturday, I had my family over  to celebrate my dad’s birthday and (my) Luke’s 9th birthday.  Luckily, we were very excited to watch the UK vs. U of L football game that day!  (HUGE rivalries.)

It was a great distraction for dad.  We all wore our UK blue and cheered the Cats to a victory over Louisville!  Go Big Blue!

Here are a few pictures from the day…

What would we do without our families?

Just by being together, we turned what could have been a very sad day into a day with many smiles.

Of course, it’s very easy to smile when you are celebrating my dad!

He’s such an amazing father and grandfather.  I didn’t think I could love him any more…but I do!

I can hardly believe that in two weeks it will be the one year anniversary of my mom’s passing.

I cannot believe it.

To even say that I have been without my mom for a YEAR is beyond grasping.

Mom passed away in the early hours of the morning, September 22nd, 2009.

That day and the days to follow are somewhat of a blur to me.  Her passing came so quickly and was so unexpected.

We immediately began doing what all families do and began making plans for her funeral.

As the days passed after her funeral, I had a burning inside of me to share about my mom on my blog.

My readers (YOU) had given me so much comfort during that trying time.

I wanted you to know my mom.  Really know her.

Because in my opinion as her daughter, anyone who didn’t get to meet my mom on this earth really missed out!

She was one of a kind.  She was rare. She was special.

I pray that over this past year, as I have shared with you stories of my mom every Wednesday, that you have been able to get a glimpse into the beautiful heart of my amazing mother.

Was she perfect?

Absolutely not.

Did she make mistakes?

Absolutely yes.

But did she make a huge impact for God’s kingdom none-the-less?

You better believe it!!!

God can use each of us to touch the lives of others if we will just let Him.

I believe that God has even used my little ol’ blog to touch the lives of others through the stories of my mom.

I’ve been humbled by so many of your emails and comments.

So many of you have said you have been so blessed by my posts.  But the truth is ladies, I am really the one who has received the most blessings!

Though this past year has been one of the most difficult years of my life, God has used this blog and YOU to shower me with His blessings.  My cup runneth over!

When I started writing about Mom every Wednesday, I had no idea how long it would last or what I would even write about.  But each week, I felt the Lord lay something different on my heart to share.

I have talked to my sister for quite sometime about whether I should continue writing about Mom each week, or stop at her one year anniversary.

Right now, I am thinking that my last weekly Wednesday with Wanda post will be on Wednesday, September 22, 2010.  (The one year anniversary of her passing.)  I think it is so ironic that it lands on a Wednesday.

I need your advice on what to do.

I love that my Wednesdays with Wanda posts have given me an outlet to share my faith and let you, my readers, know a little bit more about me.  So, I wonder if I should keep Wednesdays as my “faith” day.  A day that I just share what God is teaching me, or has taught me.  I could still share stories of my mom during that time too.  I thought I could call it “Matters of the Heart”, or something?

That way, you could still come see me each Wednesday, and hopefully be encouraged in some small way in your walk with Christ.

Or if I didn’t do that, maybe I could do a Wednesday with Wanda post the first Wednesday of each month?

Or should I just keep doing them every Wednesday?

Let me know what you are thinking, ladies!

I need to hear your voices!

If you haven’t ever commented before, but have an opinion about this, please let me know.

Your comments will help me decide what to do.

Here’s one thing I DO know, though…

I couldn’t have gotten through this past year without YOU!

Sending many blessings your way,

Traci

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I just wanted to share a special memory I have of my mom.

The details are blurry, but the imprint it left on my heart is crystal clear.

Mom had bought herself 4 new dresses to wear to church!

This was a huge deal for Mom.  She was always putting others above herself, even when it came to clothing.

I remember going to church on Sunday mornings with my brother and sister dressed in our new “church” clothes, lookin’ like a million bucks.  (At least we thought so.)  :)

And in the driver’s seat was Mom, dressed in the same dress that she had worn for years.  But believe me, she didn’t care.  Her clothes were fine as far as she was concerned.

She found so much happiness in making us happy and providing for us.

So when Mom said she went to McAlpin’s and bought herself four new dresses, I could hardly believe my ears!

She tried each of the dresses on for us, and she was beautiful.

I was so happy for her.  She deserved everyone one of them.

She placed them neatly in the back of her closet with the tags still on them, waiting for Sunday to come so she could wear one of them.

A few days later, a note came home from school that I needed some money for a field trip or something.  This is where the details become unclear.  I know it was something I needed for school, and I remember it being around $100.00.

We didn’t always have a lot of extra money.  Mom and Dad lived mostly paycheck to paycheck.  (I know that feeling all to well now!)

So to come up with a hundred bucks was going to be difficult.  I remember Mom telling me that she just didn’t have that money and I wouldn’t be able to participate in whatever the school event was.

I was so disappointed.  Like most kids, I just couldn’t understand why Mom and Dad didn’t have the money?

A few days passed when Mom came up to me with a big smile on her face.  “Here’s the money you needed for school, Traci!”

What?

Seriously?

I was so excited!  I gave Mom a big hug.

I asked Mom how she was able to come up with the money when a just few days earlier, she said we were broke.

“Oh, no big deal, sweetie.  I just took my dresses back to McAlpin’s so we would have the extra money.”  She said still smiling.

I began to cry.

I remember begging Mom to go get her dresses back!  She never did anything for herself.  It broke my heart to know that she had made such a sacrifice…for me.

But making sacrifices for her children made her happy.  I know that the joy she saw on my face when she handed me the money was worth way more to her than those dresses.

She reassured me that she would get her some new dresses as soon as she had some extra money.  I don’t remember that day ever coming.

I felt so loved that day!

There was no doubt in my heart or mind that my mom loved me.

Mom taught me that day that sacrifice = love.

And it made me think of the Cross.

And the even greater sacrifice that Christ made when He gave His life for my sins.

Because of His great sacrifice, I know that He loves me (and you).

Have a blessed day!

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This week, I wanted to share with you one of Mom’s article from Home Life Magazine.  She only wrote for Home Life for a couple of years, but I love having these magazines to look back at and enjoy.

Here is one I have from October, 1994.

When Mom wrote for our local newspaper, she took the pictures for her article herself.  However, when she began writing for Home Life Magazine, they had a cook make Mom’s recipes and a photographer take pictures of them.

Sometimes Mom liked the way the pictures turned out and sometimes she didn’t.  She would say, “That’s not what my recipe was supposed to look like!”  It was the perfectionist side of her.  A characteristic I may have inherited from her. (wink)  :)

I love how Mom began most of her articles with a personal story about our family or friends.  She also always included a “Food For Thought” at the end of each article.  She loved using her articles to honor those she loved and treasured in her life, like her sweet Mother-in-Law (Granny), that she wrote about in this one.

I hope you enjoy!

Here is the article as it appeared in the magazine….

I separated the article into smaller sections so you could see it a little bit better…

Have a blessed day!

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(If you are new to my blog, welcome!  Just wanted to let you know that each Wednesday, I write a post about my mom who passed away 11 months ago.  These posts are a way for me to share with others what a wonderful person my mother was, and also to preserve memories of her for myself, my children, and her family.)

First of all, I want to thank you for being so understanding about my Wednesdays with Wanda post last week.  I know that Mom would have been proud of me for listening to her and getting the sleep I needed.

Your comments were precious and I treasured every one!  Thank you.

I know my sister is going to kill me for posting this family picture!  :)

I love this picture because I am wearing my “Laura Ingalls” dress.  At least that’s what I called it.  I was a huge fan of “Little House on the Prairie.”  My mom made me that dress.  She was an amazing seamstress.  I loved the puffy sleeves and the way the skirt flew out when I spun around.

I shared this picture because I wanted you to see the precious family I grew up in.  I had two of the best parents a girl could ever dream of, a beautiful sister that I wanted to be just like, and a pesky little brother that was the apple of Mom’s eye!  :)

My sister is four years older than me, so when I showed up in the family, I was like Cyndi’s very own “real” baby doll.  We girls had a lot of fun together.

When I was 7 months old, Mom unexpectedly got pregnant with my brother, Blake.  Of course, she was excited about having another child, but she felt so guilty about me still being so young.  She used to tell me that she always worried that I wouldn’t get the attention I needed as a baby because my  new baby brother would require so much attention too.

However, Mom was always proud to tell me that she rocked me to sleep every night!  She never wanted to deny me of those special moments just because there was a younger baby in the house.

Mom was so cute.  She always worried about me suffering from the “middle child” syndrome.  She never wanted me to feel like I was stuck somewhere in the middle.

So Mom came up with something to make me feel extra special…

She would always call me her “Magic Link”.

She would explain to me that there where 5 people in our family…

Dad, Cyndi, Traci, Blake, Mom.

See my name there in the middle?

Mom would hold her fingers together like this…

And then she would say…

“Traci, you are the “Magic Link” in our family.  You are right in the middle and you hold us all together.  If we didn’t have you in the family, we would fall apart.  You are very important to our family!”

I cannot tell you how special that made me feel or how many times I had the privilege of hearing  Mom say that.

I truly did feel important.

The best part is that Mom didn’t just tell me that as a kid, she continued to call me her “Magic Link” even up to her passing.

Last week, I found some cards that Mom had sent me since I have been married.  I have always told you how much Mom loved writing notes to the people she loved.  I love how Mom always wrote us notes “just because”.  We didn’t hear how much she loved us just on our birthdays or special occasions.  But she made sure we felt her love all year round!

I have a folder that I keep special mementos in, and my Mom’s cards were in there.  I can just feel Mom’s love oozing out all over me when I read them even now.  I am so thankful for my mom’s letters!

Eight years ago, I owned  my own day care called, “Cross My Heart Preschool and Child Care Center”.  That is what Mom is referring to in these letters.

Notice how Mom included her favorite verse, John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled nor let it be afraid.”

This verse was her life-line during her battle with cancer.

Here is another card I found…

See why I miss my mom so much?!   Her words brought me comfort, encouragement, blessings, joy, guidance and so much more.

That is why her voice is still so strong in my life even now.   I have years and years worth of Mom’s beautiful words stored deep within my heart (and even on paper).

Our words are so powerful aren’t they?

I pray that you and I both will use our words to encourage and strengthen those around us each day.  It doesn’t always come naturally to me.  I am praying that the Lord would fill my mouth with His goodness each day.  I want my words to be a blessing to others.

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV)

Thank you for stopping by and letting me share the thoughts Beneath My Heart!

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It is 11:01 p.m. on Tuesday night, and I am just sitting down to do my Wednesday with Wanda post for tomorrow.

It’s not because I have procrastinated.  It’s because this is the first time I have had today to sit down and write.

Yesterday, I worked at my job from 7:30 am to 4:00 pm, dropped my youngest son off at my sister’s house, drove 40 minutes home, changed clothes and freshened up in 15 minutes, then hustled out the door for my 3 oldest sons’ Open House at school from 5:30-7:00 pm.

We had to go to the Open House so the boys could meet their new teachers, but we also had to be there because I had to meet the parents and students of the third grade classroom that I will be teaching!

Yep.  I am going to be a long-term sub (14 weeks) for a third grade class at the school that I used to teach at 11 years ago.

It was very exciting for me to be back in the classroom!

On the way home, we stopped at Lowe’s to get the handles for the table I was refinishing for the back patio.

I worked on that table until after 9:00 pm and then it took me over an hour to post about it.

This morning, I had to be at work at 7:30 am, which means I had to leave the house before 7:00 am, and I didn’t get off until 7:30 p.m.

I had to pick my boys up from my sister’s house, and it was almost 9:00 p.m. before we got home.

Of course, my stinky boys all needed to take showers before bedtime,   :)  so it was around 9:30 before everyone got in bed.

Then I spent over an hour filling out over 30 pieces of paperwork that the boys needed for school tomorrow.  Tomorrow is their first day of school!  And it will be my first day in my third grade classroom.

All the while, I am worrying about how I am going to have the energy to post for Wednesdays with Wanda.

I already know what I want to post about, but I would be up another hour if I did it.

Since Mom passed away almost a year ago, I have written about her every Wednesday.  Not posting about her makes me feel guilty.  I don’t want to let Mom down, or my readers down.

But I know the truth …Mom would never want me to feel guilty.

As I sat down at this computer, tears began to fill my eyes, and I could hear my sweet mother’s voice saying, “Traci, honey, you are exhausted.  Don’t you worry about writing about me.  Go to bed, sweetie, get your rest.  I want you to have a good day tomorrow.”

For those of you who know my mom personally, I know you can hear her saying those exact words too.

Mom always knows best.

So I am going to listen to my mama and go to bed.

I hope you understand.

May each of you who took the time to read these words find God’s richest blessings upon you today.

All my love,

Traci

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