Never Been More Homesick Than Now {Wednesdays with Wanda}

I want to thank each of you for praying for my family last Friday and Saturday as we moved the rest of Mom and Dad’s stuff out of their house.

We are so thankful that the house sold and that Dad will be closing on it soon.  We had already moved all of their personal stuff out of the house the week after the funeral.  But we left all of the furniture and decorations in it to help sell the house.

Friday marked the four month anniversary of my mom’s passing.    Four months sounds like so little time, yet it feels like an eternity since I have seen my mom.

Friday also marked for me the last time I would ever be “home”.


You know what I mean. 


The place where you always feel loved, welcome, and safe.  Those memories of something good cookin’ in the kitchen and the sound of football on t.v. in the other room.  That’s what my home was like as a child.  I know that not everyone grew up in that type of home, so I am grateful.  I have always agreed with  Dorothy when she said, “There’s no place like home.”

Strangely enough, even though Mom is gone, and Dad hasn’t lived in the house since she passed, I still felt like the house represented “home”.  We drove pass it every Sunday on the way to church, and part of me wanted to believe that Mom was still in there making Sunday dinner.

I was the first one to arrive at their house last Friday morning.  I cannot describe the feeling that came over me as I walked inside. 

It felt like home. 

It looked like home. 

But something was missing.

I caught myself expecting to see Mom come around the corner from the kitchen with a big smile on her face.  “Hey sweetie!”  she would say.

As I walked from room to room, the pain grew deeper and deeper.  I sobbed out loud.  I looked at the walls filled with Mom’s favorite pictures and decorations.  Her lamps were still on the table, and pillows were still on the couch.  The beds still had the bedding on them.  She had gotten one of the comforter sets at Goodwill.  I remember when she got it.  Mom loved shopping at Goodwill, and was always so proud of her “deals”.  See where I get it? 

The “grandkids’ room” still had the bunk beds in them.  She got the A to Z  Pottery Barn bedding from Ebay.  And she had bought the cutest little frog curtain rods from Kelly Rightsell.  There’s a bookcase still filled with puzzles and toys for the grandkids to enjoy.  A t.v. for them to watch videos.   She loved her grandchildren!  And she wanted to spend many years spoiling them to death.

The hardest room for me to go into was the kitchen.  It definitely was the heart of the home.  There was so much love in every meal she made.  She loved having all of her loved ones gathered around the table. 

These are the beautiful curtains she made for her kitchen…


She made all of the curtains for her house.  She was an amazing seamstress!  She also re-covered that little white chair in the picture below.


Mom loved decorating her house.  She was always changing things and moving furniture around.  It became the family joke.  You had to be careful when you got out of bed in the morning at Mom’s house.  You never knew if she might have changed the furniture around while you were sleeping, and you might bump into something.  :)

And she always had a project for Dad to complete. 

Change a light fixture.  Add trim.  Replant a tree.  Put up shelves.  Move a bed.  Paint a wall.  And on and on. 

Dad would always complain about Mom’s crazy antics.  But we all knew that deep down he loved it.  And I know right now that he would give anything to move a light fixture from one room to another for her, if it meant she was still here.  And he wouldn’t complain a bit.

But now it was time to pack it all up.  And it gave me a sick feeling in my stomach.

Then it hit me.  I was homesick.  Not for the house or all of the “stuff” in it.  But I was homesick for Mom.  I wanted to sit at the kitchen table with her and talk about life.  I wanted to tell her about how much the kids have grown and all the fun I am having with my blog.  I wanted to tell her how Luke is the highest scorer on his basketball team, and that Eli wrote all over the walls with permanent marker.  It may seem like unimportant stuff, but it was always important to Mom!  And then I would tell her some struggles I am going through and ask her to pray for me.  And she would give me the best advice because Mom always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better.

And I am homesick for her hugs and kisses. 

And her encouraging words.

And her amazing faith and wisdom.

You know, as I packed up Mom’s things that day, I realized that  she didn’t take any of her earthly belongings with her when she died.   They were all left behind. 

And I thought about all of the “stuff” that I would leave behind if I were to die.

And I realized that it is not the “stuff” that I collect throughout my life that really matters, but it is the lives that I hopefully touch along the way that matters most.  And the only way I can do that is through the love of Jesus Christ.

I am thankful for that reminder. 

And thankful for the promise of heaven.

Thankful for the promise of a new “home”.

Thankful that I will see my mom again.

What a blessed reunion!  I can’t wait.

I wanted to share with you a song that you may have heard before.  I had too, but now it takes on a whole new meaning for me.  My sweet Aunt Pat made me a CD of Christian songs to listen to in the car and this song was on it.  I love listening to it and thinking of going home someday, my real home….heaven.


Thanks for letting me share the thoughts beneath my heart,



  1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You're mom sounds like a wonderful person. I understand these feelings. I had the same when I lost my father 4 years ago. It does get easier to bear. We will see them again someday. love to you.

  2. Traci ~ Bless your heart. I know exactly what you mean – Homesick. I lost my mother this last year to cancer also. Also, my husband and younger brother. Homesick for each of them. Homesick for the home that we kids grew up in – Mother and my brother still lived there. You're right, it is painful packing up everything and the house going to be lived in by strangers. My only consolation is that they are in heaven – I lead each of them to the Lord in prayer. So, I will see them again – just as you will be with your mom someday. So we are homesick, but not hopeless. In fact, we are full of Hope…

    Cynthia K. (Beauty and Blessings)

  3. Beautifully written. My heart ached for you as I read this post. Your mother sounds amazing!! What a blessing for you to have such a shining example to follow.

  4. Dear Precious Traci. My heart goes out to you darlin'. I know this was one of the most difficult days of your life that you had to face. I'm glad that you post Wednesdays with Wanda, for yourself and for us. I hope it comforts you sharing her with us. I always enjoy your posts about your Mom.

    By the way your Mothers (you & your families) home is beautiful. I can see that she had exquisite taste in decorating from all the pictures you shared with us. I think of you so often and your always i my prayers.

    Love and warm hugs and wishes….Tracy :)

  5. I started reading your blog a long time ago. I don't think I ever left a comment. I just wanted to tell you that you have a beautiful blog. Your mother always shines through your blog. You are so talented and such a lovely writer. Weird as it sounds, reading your blog makes me appreciate life, friends + family a little more. Thanks for keeping up your Wednesdays with Wanda.

    When you wrote about the nurse a while back, I thought that was one of the best post you have written.

  6. Oh Traci….what beautiful thoughts and words and sentiments. It brought tears to my eyes as I read it. Thank you for sharing such tender feelings with me. I didn't/don't have that kind of relationship with my own mother, but I loved my mother n law to death. She died 2 years ago from brain cancer, glioblastoma, and we are still trying to sell her house. It is empty now, except for a few things in the garage. And I know what you mean about walking in, and expecting to smell something cooking, and then to hear her voice and see her sweet smiling face…She taught and showed me what a real mother's love is supposed to be like. I miss her terribly. Thank you again for sharing…I think it was the sweetest thing I have ever read in my life!

  7. I was thinking of you this weekend and reliving the pain with you as you moved the last things from your Mom's house. It still seems like a blur to me (and I know to you), it has all happened so fast. Your heart will never be the same, but the intense pain will lessen over time. Father God is going to continue to comfort you, holding you tight in His arms and He will bless you with His peace. We'll all keep praying for you and you keep blessing us with stories of wisdom and faith from your Mom! Love you precious sister.

  8. homesick is such a good way to put it. i have mentioned before that i lost my mother last march and every day i wish i could sit and talk with her about the every day things. but it truly is a blessing to know we'll see them again one day.

    always enjoy reading your blog. God bless.

  9. Traci,

    Simply beautiful, thank you so much for sharing. Homesick speaks my heart so clearly! It makes me cry and rejoice everytime I hear it. I love you, sister.


  10. Oh, Traci…I always cry right along with you…I miss mine so very much too, and now I'm the mama that they want to share with…bittersweet. I pray for you daily! HUGS!

  11. My heart aches for you Traci. Your mother sounded like a wonderful woman, wife, mother and grandmother. I've never heard the song before but your post and the song combined brought a tear to my eyes today. I want to go and hug my mother right now, if nothing else call her. My thoughts and prayers going out to you.

  12. What a powerful blog–we never know what we really have until it is gone. Your Mother sounds amazing. Her spirit lives in you-and you will be that mom to your precious children. Home is where the heart is–and your Mom was your Home.
    Much love and prayers for you.

  13. Thank you for sharing your heart with us Traci, that song is beautiful. I feel your pain and my heart aches for you and Cyndi and your families. I lost my Dad just a few months after I moved to the US from England and the first trip back home after his death broke my heart all over again as I walked in to my childhood home and he wasn't there. Time does lessen the pain, and with God's peace and comfort, each day gets a little easier. Praying for you sweetie.
    Love n Hugs

  14. Oh Traci, I so remember having to pack up everything just like you just did. It is a very hard thing to do. Your mom was a special person and your family has given you wonderful memories that will always be with you. What a blessing that is. God Bless. Hugs, Marty

  15. You can definitely see where you got your decorating talents from. I completely understand what you are going through. I was just tearing up yesterday over wishing I can hear my dad's encouraging words and get his advice over the new church we are going to. One thing that we do know is that they are where we all want to be and we have one more thing to look forward to when we get to heaven. I will be praying for you.

  16. No doubt you have touched the hearts of so many today with this post….oh my goodness, Tracy, I cry for you today; I can imagine your pain, and yet your faith is so strong. Your mom left such a fabulous legacy……and still continues to teach you and to teach US thru you! thanks so much for your transparency and sharing with us. We are blessed by Wanda and by you! thanks, sweetie.


  17. Love you girl. Just as if I could look straight into your eyes and reach out to hug your neck.

    Thank you for showing us beneath your heart and especially sharing your momma with us.

    When I read your stories, it makes me want to reach deeper into the lives around me and show them how much I love them and do more for them and be more alive with them. I want to laugh and love more because your 100% right, we don't take the things we have with us, it's the things we do that last, it's the memories that stay.

  18. I can't think of anything that hasn't already been repeated by so many others. So I'll just repeat them anyways!

    You really do know how to tug at the heart strings–I don't thing I've made it through a Wednesday post YET without crying. But I'm so thankful that you choose to share such personal memories and feelings with us. You grew up in a beautiful home. And not just beautiful for the "things–" you have a gorgeous family all around you.

    Take care Traci!

    ~ Amber

  19. Oh Traci, your post breaks my heart. I have said it before and I will say it again… your mom sounds like a wonderful woman. I did have to chuckle about the family joke regarding – being careful when you get out of bed. In that regard and many other ways, your mom sounds like mine. Mom is always moving things around and has a "honey do" list for my dad.

    I will continue to pray for you and your family.

    ~ Tracy

  20. So proud of you for facing into all the pain…for embracing all the moments, even those that are heartwrenching. May God continue to walk near to you, and help you remember all the wonderful things your mama imparted to you and your family.

    Wish I could've known her. WIsh I'd had a mother like her.

  21. Traci- you are always such an inspiration to me, from the things you, to your mourning over your wonderful and amazing mother.
    Thank you for sharing your life..
    I wanted you to know I gave you a blog award.. so please come by and get it.

  22. Sweet Traci. My heart aches for you.

    When my mother died, someone told me that they'd read that part of a human being never completely grows up until their mother dies. What I think they meant was that being "grown up" means understanding that life is not about here and now. When your mother is in heaven rather than here with you, you know for sure–on a deep, heart level–that this world is not your home. Thank God for the knowledge and hope of that great reunion.

    Bless you, sweet friend.

  23. Traci,
    Hugs to you sweet friend for sharing what was on your heart.
    I feel like I have known your mom from what you have shared on your blog. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman, mother, wife and grandmom. She has left her fingerprints on your heart forever. She will forever will be in your heart. I know it's hard, but as you said you will see her again.
    My hubby loves Mercy Me's song Finally Home. It always makes me a little teary eyed and happy at the same time when I hear it.
    blessings to you.

  24. Tracie, my heart goes out to you. The post brought tears to my eyes. My mom has been gone fourteen years this February. Like the song says I too am homesick to just talk with mom again and tell her about every thing that has went on in our family and about the great grandchildren she never got to know. Like your mom she was a keeper of her home and loved the Lord and her family. What a legacy our mothers leave for us. Will continue to pray for your family.

  25. Such beautiful words. I feel like I know your mom in the posts on Wednesdays. Big hugs to you and your family and keep up the good work!

  26. traci, you are so amazing… and your mom had such a hand in that that i know she must have been someone so special and so neat. i can see her through your words and she is still so alive in you. i almost lost my mom to cancer and she is now almost 11 years in remission and not a day passes that i thank god for letting me keep her another day. mothers! they are our everything! i love your blog… you inspire me, you allow me to cry (when the kids are napping of course) and you make me laugh. i enjoy our lunch dates that we have everyday. please don't ever stop blogging! take care and god bless and trust that where god has closed a door for you in your life, he has left a window open. my mom's trusted motto…


  27. Thank you so much for your lovely post. I feel honored to just hear stories of your mother. My heart aches for you and what you are going through, but you are touching a place in me that makes me strive to be a better wife, mother and child of God.

    Love and Prayers

  28. Bless your sweet, precious heart friend. What a blessing for you to have had such an amazing, Godly woman to call your Mom.

    You are so right…our earthly processions are JUST things…and we cannot take them with us….but we can take those we've touched as we've been the 'skin of Jesus'.

    Your Mom truly was just that…..what an example to aspire to!

    <3 ya.

  29. I understand.

    I also have a question for you and although you are the queen of drop cloth you may not have dealt with this issue but I thought I would at least ask. I have a couple of projects I want to do with drop cloth — first time to use it. It was a better deal to buy the large 12 ft x 15 ft canvas than the smaller ones plus I would have had to sew them together if I had gone smaller for one of the large projects. It is so big I am thinking I am going to need to cut it before I put it in the wash, so it will fit. Do you know about how much shrinkage there is?


  30. I knew it would be hard, but prayer and love carried you through.

    When I walked into my grandmother's house in November (over 1000 miles aways from my home), I went straight to her living room. I had to actually SEE that she wasn't sitting there in her favorite chair. So I understand.

    We will still have to do the moving out task in late spring/early summer and although I don't look forward to doing it, I know that she isn't "the stuff." We just get homesick for them.

    So a big hug to you from a sister-in-Christ. I'm sorry for your hurt right now, but praise the Lord for the hope that is to come. You will see her soon.


  31. Your post brought me to tears. Your mother sounds like such a wonderful woman. The memories you have of her (and of the house she made a home) are the sort of memories that I hope my children have of me and the life I strive to help them build in our home.

    Many hugs to you.

  32. What a wonderful post yet so heartbreaking. It reminded me that one day I will say good-bye to my parents. Thank you for the reminder that you don't take things with you. I needed that.

    May God Bless you with the many graces you need during this time.

  33. Traci,
    I stumbled on your blog a few months back, just before your mother got sick. My mother died 15 years ago when I was pregnant with my 5th child (my son). In many ways, I have felt reading your thoughts mirrored what I experienced 15 years ago. I sobbed out loud as I read this last post, becuase I had the same experience walking through mom's empty home. Even after 15 years, I still miss my mother and would, selflishly, just love to have one more conversation with her. I certainly could have used her wise counsel raising my children! Yet, I do so rejoice that she is basking in the glow of our Heavenly Father's face! I am so thankful for the time I did have with her and I am often reminded of the many good times we shared together. Just as with your mother, my mother left the greatest legacy of all–she shared the gift of Christ with her children and she would be pleased to know that all her grandchildren are walking with the Lord. By the way, have you read Randy Alcorn's book "Heaven"? It gave me a renewed excitement for what awaits!
    Blessings to you and your family.

  34. Traci, I can't imagine the sadness you felt walking through your parents home and having to say goodbye. You're a brave woman to face your grief head-on and share these tender moments with us. I'm so glad you found the song "Homesick", it's a beautiful song that continues to comfort me on those tough days. Love in Christ~Lisa

  35. Traci, reading your post rekindled all those feelings I had 20 years ago when I lost my Mom. I miss her each day and will still, after almost 20 years, burst out in tears because I miss her so much. It is a life changing experience. I inherited her china. In my hutch I keep her picture, framed in the pattern. Also a yellow rose, her favorite, in a bud vase with the china pattern. She left me one of her rings and I wear it during special occasions so I know she is there with us all. I am glad I have some of her special things and if you haven't already you will discover ways to lift your mother up in your own life. Things may not be as important as the people we love but they remain and can help to remind us of those special people we have lost.
    On another note:
    Please come by and visit my blog, I am having a giveaway. Joan@ Americana By Candlelight

  36. Oh, Traci, I'm just sitting here crying and crying. I'm so sorry for all you are still going through, but I'm so happy for all the wonderful memories you have of your mom that no one or nothing (not even cancer) can ever take away from you. And mostly, I'm so grateful for the reunion you spoke of, the hope of heaven. I can't listen to the song you posted because it always tears me up, but I do appreciate its message. Hang in there, my friend. I'm praying for you. Thanks for sharing this… you are such an encouragement.

  37. Traci:
    What you have just expressed could never be said any better! It was exactly what my brother and sister and I felt when we went and closed down our parents home. All the 'things' were still there, but the 'heart' of the home was missing. Your posting was kind of like a benediction. Now, life resumes,…and the joy of the future still awaits, to see them again when we all get to our final and real home….

    Blessings and love,


  38. Thank you so much for this!! I almost lost my 47 year old mom to a stroke last year(bleed in her brain! She was always healthy and it was such a blow to the family!! She has since recovered, not fully but with prayers and hard work she is getting there! I am so thankful to have her, yet she could have easliy been taken from me! I will be praying for your family b/c with PRAYER we can make it through!

  39. Traci,
    I just recently found your blog and have been enjoying it very much.
    I just wanted to say "Thank You" for sharing your heart today. I know it's hard, but I also believe it is so important to keep talking about the loved ones we have lost.
    I lost my mother 17 years ago (I'm only 41). It feels like so long ago, but sometimes it feels like it was yesterday.
    I am so very sorry for your loss. From the picture of her and the words you have shared, I know she was a beautiful woman inside and out. May the memories of her bring you special joy, and may the thought of being with her one day give you peace.
    God's Blessing on you today,

  40. Traci, I can just feel that heart sickness right along with you. I recently lost my grandfather, who I was very close to and it just ached to be in his house with him not there. I know the Lord will bring you comfort and healing.

    By the way, your mother's home is beautiful and she has passed her great sense of style along to you.

  41. Such a sweet post! My mom is my best friend and I'm so thankful for the time I have with her. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom, but my mom is a very godly woman like yours and your posts make me appreciate her that much more. I love that you are having fun with your blog because I have fun reading it. I pray for your strength as you go through this difficult time in your life.

  42. Beautiful post. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman-a Titus 2 woman. What an inspiration!!

    I can only imagine how difficult this was for you. Our family tragically lost my husband's brother four days before Christmas. We have many of his things here in boxes and bags but we have not had the heart to go through them yet and try to figure out what we will do with them.


  43. Dearest Traci,
    I know that this part of closing a precious chapter in life was very difficult.

    When a dear friend of mine left her home to move in with a son and then move into a nursing home…I cried huge tears because I knew I would never enter her home again. When the house was placed on the market I DID enter the home again and it was so empty because my friend wasn't there. I have precious memories that still warm my heart. My husband filmed a video of us talking during one of our visits.

    I went to visit her in the nursing home for one of my birthdays and my dear friend did not know who I was. This was a double blow. after my visit with her I left in tears and walked down the hall. A church service was going on in the chapel and the people were singing 'LOVE LIFTED ME!'

    I cried some more and thought how appropriate a song to be heard, because it is the love of God that lifts us and it has.

    May you be comforted by our precious Lord and may HIS Love Lift You.

  44. What a lovely blog you have… I am glad I found it. I have been trying to post for a couple days.. but it was very hard.. I cried so hard when I read your post about your mom. I lost my mom last year and it truly feels like yesterday and I miss her so very much. Thank you for the song.. it makes me cry.. but it makes me feel good cry. Blessings to you.


  45. Traci,
    Your post made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss. I still have my mom but I moved a few hours away from her last year and now I realize how special it was to have her so close by. But even now I can still call her and she can still come visit. I cannot imagine your pain or loss and the finality of saying goodbye to her home. Thank you for sharing her lovely home and how much it meant to her, and reminding us to treasure each day.
    Hugs & blessings,

  46. Oh Traci, I've been wondering how you were doing….
    My mom died on Jan.29,1995. I was at the hospital this week….I have a new grandson…the nurses who took care of mom still talk about her….15 years later! What I wouldn't give to sit at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and tell Mom about little Henry….born during a terrible Iowa blizzard. I wonder what she would say??? Isn't that what we miss so very much….just talking is so precious!

  47. Hi,
    I stumbled upon your blog and love it! I wanted to comment on this post most of all. My Dad passed away, a year ago next month. It seems like time moved so quickly and took all of eternity to get to a year all in one. My sister and I were left to clean out the house my parents own. It was heart wrenching to remove his favorite possessions, and pack them away or give them to family. Of all the things I've kept was his old dirty straw hat he used when gardening! That symbolizes my Dad to me.

    I feel for you. It doesn't get easier, the longing stays with you. But I do believe that we will meet our family and friends again in Heaven.

    All the best to you.

  48. Tracy,
    The post about your mom was so sweet. I have a terrible fear of losing my own mother. We don't live close by so we aren't together as much as I would like. Your mom does know about your blog, your boys, your happy home and life. I do believe she is living inside of you enjoying what you enjoy. Thanks for the post. I'll call my mom today, and be thinking of you!

  49. Wow, your post made me cry. Spontaneously. Without warning or intention. I lost my mom 4 years ago this past Christmas eve and your post brought back my experience cleaning out her little apartment. Also sobbing. Four months is a blink of an eye, continue to be kind to yourself. I no longer shop at the grocery store I used to take her to, and I go out of my way not to drive past her senior apartment complex. I'm sorry you have to drive past that house each week. Thanks for sharing.

  50. Traci, My heart breaks for the sadness you and your family are going through. There are no words to make it easier, but there's comfort in knowing that your mom is dancing in Heaven and looking down on you with a heart full of joy at the things you do & who you are as a person. I think she would be very proud of you. And I think she would be extremely touched by this post and how it touches the hearts of all who read it. May God richly bless you and give you peace in knowing that your mom is HOME in the GRANDEST, HAPPIEST place she could ever imagine, and one day you will see her again.

  51. i just happened onto your blog and it is lovely. The things you said about the way yo felt when you went in your parents home brought back many sad memories. The hardest thing in the world is having to give up that home; a place that has been home all your life; where we go back to. I lost my mother at 63, about the age of your mother. The first time i went there and saw my dad sitting alone at the table broke my heart for him and for me. I have since lost him and my brother. There is nothing like a good mother and a mother's love. May God bless you! Veronioca Mackinnon

  52. I just happened upon your blog. (linked from The Nester)
    You made me cry. Thanks for reminding me how much I need to appreciate the times with my mom even though she may get on my nerves at times.
    May God bless you and your family.

  53. Hi Traci! I am new to your blog. What you wrote was so beautiful. What a tribute to your mom. She sounded like an amazing woman. I understand many of the things you said here except it is the opposite for me. I lost my dad. Anytime I see his type of car that he drove, and I see it often- same color and everything. When I see it, I imagine that he is in there. I miss his hugs and kisses too. I miss our daily phone calls and him telling me he loves me. I grew up like you, my mom was always making something delicious and daddy was always watching football. Thank you for sharing your heart. I too, look forward to the day too when I am in our Heavenly Home reunited with my family that has passed and to see our Lord Jesus. So while I am here, I try to make for my family the same wonderful memories my dad and mom made for me.
    Blessings to you!

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