I want to say that I absolutely adore you! You have showered me with cyber hugs and prayers, and I have felt everyone of them.
Many, many, many of you have lovingly followed our adoption story over the past year. Hands down, my posts about our adoption have had the highest page views of any other post I have written this year! You were invested in our story, and I felt the thoughts and prayers of so many of you as we traveled to get our little girl. I know you were excitedly awaiting the pictures of us back home and together as a family.
And when we came back home, my heart was heavy for so many reasons, but one of which was having to tell you the sad news. :(
I know you were shocked, and I know that some of you even shed some tears for us. How blessed am I? To be loved and cared for by people I have never met in real life?! I’ll tell you…..SERIOUSLY BLESSED!!
And because my online family is a part of me, I wanted to give you a little bit of news about what life has been like since we have been home.
There is no way to sugar coat it. It was horrible. Heart wrenching, eyes swollen, sleepless nights, couldn’t eat kind of horrible. It was hard to even function the first week we were home. We were trying to be strong for our boys, but as soon as they went to school, I was like a walking zombie. I was trying to get presents for Christmas since I hadn’t bought a single thing yet, but every thought was on our little girl. I saw her in every store, felt her in every song, and heard her in every conversation.
(I had hoped to share some “real” pictures of her with you when she came home with us, but for now, I have to share them like this. These are pictures of her just a few short weeks ago…)
We missed some family Christmas events because the emotions were just too raw, and I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone. I didn’t really even talk to my sister or dad! Just the thought of a conversation about her would make me cry.
Christmas is such a special time of year, but not having her here with us made it very difficult. We were still able to enjoy it for our boys. They are so precious. They were very sad that we didn’t bring her home, but soooo glad to see us. We were gone for two whole weeks, and they missed us! Being away from our boys was one of the hardest parts of our trip.
Since Christmas, each day has gotten a little better. I cry less. But I miss her more.
I know that you all are wanting details as to why it didn’t work out, but I am not ready to share that part of our story. I will tell you that it is our hope and prayer that this is not the end of the story. We are praying for a miracle and asking God for direction.
There is still a very small chance that she could still be a part of our forever family. Will you pray for us, for her, and for God’s will to be done? That’s all I want….HIS WILL to be done.
And as a side note…
Can I just tell you that I have fallen even more in love with Jesus? HE IS LIFE. Plain and simple.
The world tries to tell us that life is all about ourselves, but it is not. It’s all about Jesus. His perfect love.
I couldn’t live life without Him. He gives me a peace that is beyond understanding. I am grateful that He loves me despite my flaws. That He gives me strength during difficult times. That He knows my heart. That He is my source of true joy.
You may know me as a blogger, or as a DIY’er, or as a “home girl,” or who knows what else. :)
But please know this about me….I LOVE JESUS WITH ALL MY HEART, WITH ALL MY SOUL, AND WITH ALL MY MIND.
God bless you, sweet friends, and may you have a wonderful new year!!