Well, friends! I hope you had a very Merry Christmas! We actually had a very sweet time together as a family, well…..on Christmas Day.
Christmas Eve was quite a different story.
Let’s just say that I was not a good wife or mom on Christmas Eve day.
That morning, I thought I had my “stuff” together. I had my list of last-minute things I needed to get at the store and things I needed to get done at home. I thought I was okay, but my day quickly started to unravel. There were things I forgot to put on my list, and things on my to-do list that I didn’t have time to complete. As I finished up wrapping, I realized I had bought the wrong sizes and my gifts to my kids didn’t feel “even.”
You know what I mean. I was trying to have about the same amount of gifts for each of my kids with about the same value, but I realized that somehow one of my kid’s stocking only had one item, and he had fewer boxes to open than the others. I started to panic.
I began to suffer from the “Snow Globe Effect.” It’s when I want everything to turn out perfectly and look just right and beautiful, like a snow globe always does. Like a Norman Rockwell painting… Like a Hallmark movie….
and it wasn’t happening.
My presents weren’t all wrapped. My food took longer to fix that I thought it would. I fell down the steps in our garage. I broke ornaments. And my attitude….oh, my attitude. It. was. awful.
I was grumpy. Ignoring the kids. Mad at Cy for who knows what?!
Sania came up to hug me and said, “Isn’t Christmas the best day ever?!”
Do you know what my response was?
“Yeah, for kids. Not for adults.” and I walked off. Yes, I did.
I think it was at that point that I went into the kitchen to cry. Crying because nothing was going right and crying because I felt like the worst mother in the entire universe. I wanted to be dancing around the kitchen singing Christmas carols with a smile on my face, but it was not happening. I couldn’t shake it.
By the time we made it to my dad’s that night for the Christmas Eve party, I was an hour late, with food that no one was hungry for because they had already eaten, and I actually forgot my nephew’s gift. I cried more.
You guys, it was so out of character for me. I usually can handle all kinds of pressure, or if I can’t handle all the things, I can usually laugh about it.
But not that night. I was beating myself up something awful, and my poor husband had to witness the said “meltdown” in the bathroom. I didn’t want to go in the family room because I knew that everyone would ask what was wrong, and I would start crying again. I couldn’t even hug my precious dad because I knew I would lose it. I was barely hanging on. (I’m sorry, Dad.)
I tried to put my makeup back on, but that was a joke. I finally made it back into the family room to watch the kids open their presents, but my heart was so tired from all the work and worry that I had done that day.
I swore to Cy… NEVER AGAIN. I will never be that big of a mess on Christmas again.
Thankfully, my kiddos still had a great time that night! ha!
When we got home, the kids went to bed, and Cy stayed up with me and helped me get the presents under the tree. I went to sleep with a heavy heart, but I had gathered my head together enough to make sure that I was a different mom in the morning.
I asked for the Lord’s forgiveness. I prayed for His peace and asked Him to help me change my attitude. I needed to let go of my snow globe and roll with the punches. :)
Christmas morning was precious and priceless.
My kiddos loved their gifts and were so grateful for each one.
We had breakfast together, and I was even able to rest some that afternoon before going to my sister’s for Christmas dinner.
I shared my Christmas Eve meltdown on my Instagram stories today, and it seems I’m not the only mom that struggles with the “snow globe effect” around Christmas. We all want things to be so perfect for our kids on this special day, but we also yearn for things to be more simple and less stressful.
That is going to be my goal next Christmas. I am a perfectionist and a procrastinator, which is NOT a good combo. So I am going to try and let go and not have everything be perfect, and Cy promised me that he would help me plan ahead and not procrastinate, ’cause I will certainly need help in that area!
Why am I sharing this? I’m not sure actually? haha!
No, it’s because I want you to know that I do NOT have my stuff together all the time. And I am NOT always the mom I wish I could be. And I make mistakes DAILY.
But I also want you to know that I am FORGIVEN by God. That He loves me (and you,) even when we mess up. Even on our worst days.
And that there is NOTHING that compares to the Peace and Grace of Jesus Christ.
PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!