Sweet friends, I pray that this blog post finds you safe and well. There is so much suffering still going on in the world, even though some parts of the world are slowly getting back to normal. I don’t know where you are in this whole situation, but please know that I pray for you. And we WILL get through this.
Last week, I struggled mentally and emotionally. Trying to work from home, help my kids with their schoolwork, support Cy as he works from home, entertain the kids, keep the house clean, and stay positive had reached a tipping point last week.
We are all staying home and starting to get on each others’ nerves. Let’s just be honest. And I like for everyone to get along and be happy, and that’s just not always possible. I was feeling defeated and overwhelmed.
And then I felt guilty. My struggles where NOTHING compared to what so many people are facing…loss of jobs, death, isolation…
So I tried to hold it all in because I felt guilty for struggling when it could be so much worse.
But y’all, it doesn’t matter how much or little we have been affected by COVID-19, we’ve all been affected.
And it’s okay to feel the feelings we are feeling.
I sat on my front porch on Thursday night and realized that the overwhelming emotions weren’t just because of this pandemic. No, it was because I wasn’t making my time with God my first priority.
Now that the kids are home all day every day, I have neglected getting away to myself and spending dedicated time in prayer and bible study. I talked to Cy about it out on the porch. I told him that I was going to get up early the next morning and go to some drive thru to get coffee and then sit in a parking lot with my bible and spend time with Jesus.
So I woke up at 6:30 am Friday morning, which ironically is “sleeping in” compared to my pre-corona schedule, and I brushed my teeth, put on some shoes, got my bible and prayer journal, and got in the car.
The closest place to me that I could get drive thru coffee was Chickfila. My heart was still heavy, but I was excited to be by myself, in the car, and on my way to meet with Jesus.
When I ordered my small black coffee, the employee said, “Is that all?”
“Okay,” she replied, “coffee is free today.”
I smiled. I had no idea coffee was free that day. And even though that’s not a big deal, it was a “God wink” to me. It felt as if the Lord was saying, “Here sweet girl. I’m so glad I get to spend time with you today, and here is a free coffee to celebrate.”
I got my coffee and pulled all the way forward to the very end of the parking lot that faces the road. I put the car in park and looked up to see the sweetest church and steeple. I’ve passed that church many times as I have driven down that road, but today, it was facing me through my front windshield, and it was as if God winked at me again.
Seeing that church steeple out my window made me feel as if I was in God’s house, and yet He was in the car with me.
On my phone, I have a pandora station that plays instrumental hymns. The ones I grew up on…Amazing Grace, Old Rugged Cross, Just a Closer Walk with Thee, Victory in Jesus…songs that bring indescribable peace to my heart. I started playing those songs as I read God’s word. I also have a spiral notebook, and I began writing out my prayers.
I praised Him for who He is and all He has done in my life. I asked for forgiveness for my attitude and behavior toward my family. I lifted other’s prayer concerns to Jesus, and then I prayed for the burdens and dreams of my heart.
Just me and Jesus in the front seat of my car. It was exactly what I needed. When I spend time with Him, He changes me. And He changes the trajectory of my days.
When it was time to drive back home, my heart was ready. Instead of empty, I felt full. Instead of weary, I felt re-energized.
Did I have a perfect day? Nope. But I definitely had a BETTER day.
And now this is my morning routine. I’m actually typing this post in the front seat of my car this morning. I got up early, left the house, got a coffee and found a place to park. Spend time in prayer and bible study, and now I am planning out my day before I head back home.
I’m so thankful for the work the Lord is doing on my heart, and I stand in awe of his faithfulness.
“I run to the Father
I fall into grace
I’m done with the hiding
No reason to wait
My heart needs a surgeon
My soul needs a friend
So I’ll run to the Father
Again and again And again and again”
We sang this song at the end of our online church service this past Sunday, and it really spoke to my heart. I wanted to share it hear with you. Friends, we are all feeling a little overwhelmed and a little out of sorts these days. Let’s run to the Father….