How God Changes Me and My Days
Sweet friends, I pray that this blog post finds you safe and well. There is so much suffering still going on in the world, even though some parts of the world are slowly getting back to normal. I don’t know where you are in this whole situation, but please know that I pray for you. And we WILL get through this.
Last week, I struggled mentally and emotionally. Trying to work from home, help my kids with their schoolwork, support Cy as he works from home, entertain the kids, keep the house clean, and stay positive had reached a tipping point last week.
We are all staying home and starting to get on each others’ nerves. Let’s just be honest. And I like for everyone to get along and be happy, and that’s just not always possible. I was feeling defeated and overwhelmed.
And then I felt guilty. My struggles where NOTHING compared to what so many people are facing…loss of jobs, death, isolation…
So I tried to hold it all in because I felt guilty for struggling when it could be so much worse.
But y’all, it doesn’t matter how much or little we have been affected by COVID-19, we’ve all been affected.
And it’s okay to feel the feelings we are feeling.
I sat on my front porch on Thursday night and realized that the overwhelming emotions weren’t just because of this pandemic. No, it was because I wasn’t making my time with God my first priority.
Now that the kids are home all day every day, I have neglected getting away to myself and spending dedicated time in prayer and bible study. I talked to Cy about it out on the porch. I told him that I was going to get up early the next morning and go to some drive thru to get coffee and then sit in a parking lot with my bible and spend time with Jesus.
So I woke up at 6:30 am Friday morning, which ironically is “sleeping in” compared to my pre-corona schedule, and I brushed my teeth, put on some shoes, got my bible and prayer journal, and got in the car.
The closest place to me that I could get drive thru coffee was Chickfila. My heart was still heavy, but I was excited to be by myself, in the car, and on my way to meet with Jesus.
When I ordered my small black coffee, the employee said, “Is that all?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she replied, “coffee is free today.”
I smiled. I had no idea coffee was free that day. And even though that’s not a big deal, it was a “God wink” to me. It felt as if the Lord was saying, “Here sweet girl. I’m so glad I get to spend time with you today, and here is a free coffee to celebrate.”
I got my coffee and pulled all the way forward to the very end of the parking lot that faces the road. I put the car in park and looked up to see the sweetest church and steeple. I’ve passed that church many times as I have driven down that road, but today, it was facing me through my front windshield, and it was as if God winked at me again.
Seeing that church steeple out my window made me feel as if I was in God’s house, and yet He was in the car with me.
On my phone, I have a pandora station that plays instrumental hymns. The ones I grew up on…Amazing Grace, Old Rugged Cross, Just a Closer Walk with Thee, Victory in Jesus…songs that bring indescribable peace to my heart. I started playing those songs as I read God’s word. I also have a spiral notebook, and I began writing out my prayers.
I praised Him for who He is and all He has done in my life. I asked for forgiveness for my attitude and behavior toward my family. I lifted other’s prayer concerns to Jesus, and then I prayed for the burdens and dreams of my heart.
Just me and Jesus in the front seat of my car. It was exactly what I needed. When I spend time with Him, He changes me. And He changes the trajectory of my days.
When it was time to drive back home, my heart was ready. Instead of empty, I felt full. Instead of weary, I felt re-energized.
Did I have a perfect day? Nope. But I definitely had a BETTER day.
And now this is my morning routine. I’m actually typing this post in the front seat of my car this morning. I got up early, left the house, got a coffee and found a place to park. Spend time in prayer and bible study, and now I am planning out my day before I head back home.
I’m so thankful for the work the Lord is doing on my heart, and I stand in awe of his faithfulness.
“I run to the Father
I fall into grace
I’m done with the hiding
No reason to wait
My heart needs a surgeon
My soul needs a friend
So I’ll run to the Father
Again and again And again and again”
We sang this song at the end of our online church service this past Sunday, and it really spoke to my heart. I wanted to share it hear with you. Friends, we are all feeling a little overwhelmed and a little out of sorts these days. Let’s run to the Father….
Oh my gosh! This post is so timely. First of all, we have all felt overwhelmed by something these past weeks. What that unsubscriber said to you is both unkind and not true! Especially now we can not judge. You did and said nothing wrong. I too have had a rough emotional and mental week. It’s different from yours but needless to say it’s been a challenge. I left the house for the first time in 3 1/2 weeks to do a big grocery shop. I broke down crying behind my mask and gloves as I saw everyone 6 feet apart, not making eye contact, not smiles, no random talking and backing up when you got close. It was very sobering. I realized that this is how it’s going to be. We are secluded even when we are close by. I am missing my weekly mass…my weekly Eucharist. How is that going to change? No longer is a priest going to touch each host and hand it to someone. Those are the sad realities that this brings. I will pray for you and for all those who have had a bad week…regardless of the reason. God Bless you and thank you for sharing.
Thank you for that. Just what I needed to hear. …….your words and the song.
Have a beautiful day!
Thank-You for your story!
I have felt similar things and also realized I have been spending less time with God. I feel like how crazy is that during this time you would think we would all be spending more time with him.
Free coffee how cool is that :)
Keep up the great stories and I’m on your side… we should praise him and we should all try to be less critical and show more kindness in this world.
High Five Girl Friend!!
Prayers for you! We all struggle daily and some struggles are harder than others but it doesn’t make the your struggle any less significant. Thank you for being honest and sharing .
xo to you Traci!
Don’t allow people to bully or “Covid shame” you! We all have to deal with this abnormal lifestyle in our own way and so what if you voice your frustrations?, it’s good for you to let it out and this is YOUR blog! Say “farewell and be safe” to those who don’t agree with you, they’re also entitled to voice their frustrations. I suspect it wasn’t what you said that made them angry…. none of us know what each other is facing. I find your posts uplifting and it makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone in feeling peeved about the situation. My husband is driving me nuts, my neighbors think I shouldn’t even walk to my car without a mask, there’s no paper towels in my city and I’m annoyed by the covid news coverage, tv and radio commercials, conversations, etc 24/7. You can’t escape it…. but alas! coffee in the car is a brilliant way to have peace and quiet. Cut an hour a day to find your peace and quiet.. it will make everything a smidge more tolerable.
Janet, I can’t believe your neighbor would get into your business and say you need a mask to walk to your car! I’m so thankful, and blessed. Our neighbors are great!! I”m sorry you have that additional stress on top of all this…. I don’t put on a mask until I get out of the car and start walking to the store., and I’m near San Fran, one of the big hot spots. I’m with you. ;-)
Amen Traci. I am the same way. I have to have my Jesus time too. Praying for you!!! Thanks for sharing
Thank you so much Traci. Brought tears to my eyes reading this as I too had a break down moment this morning. I’ve been working from home since mid-March and was told yesterday will continue till June 1st. I was so upset. I went out to walk my 2 pups this a.m. (always around 6:30am) and just told God – why? why are you making me to continue to stay home. You know I”m not good at this!!! SO I had a pity party. I told God that “well this is how I feel right now – and just wanted to get it off my chest”. LOL. Talked to Him like he was walking the dogs with me. And I guess in a way He was. I came back in the house after about 30 mins and my hubby was sitting at the bar getting ready to go into work – blessed that we both have our jobs. Thankful for our health! Thank you God and thank you Traci.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us! It’s a time like no other in our world and in our lives & we’re all trying to navigate it the best way we know how. God never moves from us…we’re the ones that forget to spend time with Him. 😉 I know I need to make the decision to get back in my routine and this is a great reminder to do so!
Take care and stay safe!
xo
This is an awesome post, and if someone can’t see your heart and your goodness then they need to go and not read your blog anymore.
Keep up the good work!
Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart with us, Traci. I, too, have found it a challenge to be joyful all day with my kids, while continuing to do my own work from home and balancing the responsibilities of cooking, cleaning and helping kids with their online classes. You are right! When we start our day with Jesus, being grounded in his Word and “prayed up” it DOES change our perspective on things that happen during our day. The day may not be perfect, but it’s the day the Lord has made, it’s a gift to us, and we are to rejoice and be thankful in all circumstances. When challenges come each day, it causes us to depend on the Lord and that’s a GREAT place to be because we can grow closer to Him. I’ve followed your blog (and your sister’s) for a few years now. I love you both and hope to meet you someday in heaven (or maybe even here on earth😊.) ~Kristen from Aurora, OH
Beautiful words. Thank you❤️
You are awesome Traci! It is amazing all you conquer. I’ve been so blessed following you blog. You couldn’t start your day out any better than with God. God bless you.
Sweet Traci, thank you so much for sharing your heart and your love for Jesus!! It shows in everything you do. Yes, we have all been in your shoes at some time or another. I think sometimes we’re so anxious to ‘tell’ God our problems but then we fail to ‘listen’ to what He tells us! Hopefully, we’re on the back side of this horrible virus and are beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, many lives were tragically lost but also, I believe God brought us all closer in so many ways. You have a wonderful family that I know you feel blessed to have. Have a blessed day!
Thank you for your transparency! We all have stood or are standing where you are! For the individual who unsubscribed because you were “whining” about your kids…well, hats off to her for her picture perfect life! I love that you share your heart with others, you keep it REAL, AND you love your family and most of all, JESUS! Take good care and GOD BLESS!!!!
Traci, thank you for sharing this. Your post and the song really touched me this morning. Before this pandemic hit, I was so busy with work and life. When I would feel that nudge to spend time with Jesus, I would essentially say in my heart, “I’m busy now, but I’ll get back to you later”. So many times I did that!
One morning after the virus hit, I just felt so heavy and I ended up falling on my face and praying and crying out to God like I haven’t in so long. It felt like my well was being unstopped and it felt so good. I told Jesus, “I don’t want to be the same when this virus is over! I don’t want to go back to business as usual. I want to shine! I want you to shine through me!”
It’s so easy to get caught up in the cares of this life and forget the One who is the source of our joy and peace, but this slowing-down time is the perfect time to draw close to Jesus and let Him fill us with the joy and peace that only He can give.
I have been feeling the same way sweet friend.. My day is so much better when I spend time with Him… You are such an encourager and hey being a mom is hard… hang in there.. you’re making a huge difference in lives..
Traci,
Thank you for sharing your life with us. Your words are honest and from the heart. Your feelings are just that “your feelings”. No one can feel what you feel. Yes, there are people in the world in much more difficult situations, and we feel for them, and pray for them. You did exactly what you needed to do, sit with Jesus, and as you said it helped. I am the type of person that likes a routine. Once the routine changes, I sometimes skip the important things. In most cases it is because I’m putting others first, which isn’t a bad thing, but I tend to forget myself. It’s these times that I feel overwhelmed. Prayer is the answer for me and I talk to Jesus throughout my day. I believe the lack of socialization with friends and extended family has made this time so very difficult. It is beyond our “norm”. I pray that we all stay healthy, strong, and remember God’s got this! Love and blessings to you and yours, JoAnn
Traci,
Thank you for your blog and your honesty about your feelings. I know we all are feeling the same way. I believe that more ladies need to hear that and how God works in our lives as we go through these rough times. I love how God works!
Much love to you and your family,
I’m glad you’re in a better place now after having a time to reconnect and re-establish your time with Jesus. I read all of your posts and follow you on instagram and never thought that you were whining. My children are grown and two of them have moved across the country and oh how I miss them. But, I can’t even imagine being in this situation with them still at home. I KNOW that I would be threatening to run away regularly. I’m sure you’re thankful that you have all that land and creek for them to play and burn off some energy and the MIL suite for the big boys!
I’m excited over your bathroom renovation and can’t wait to see how it turns out.
So sorry that someone sent you that email. We all need to uplift each other during these difficult times. No one would doubt your love and caring for your children. You are correct, being just with the Lord is a good thing for our souls. Glad to hear you are feeling renewed. We all need that now, as we do not know what the new normal may be. Whatever it may be we will have to persevere. Hugs
Traci I am so sorry that someone felt it necessary to send you a critical email. There is no doubt about how much you love your family. We all need to be uplifting during these strange times. God changes everything! Keep up the good work. We are listening!
Just love your message, Traci!! Yes, cling to Jesus!! I pray so many will be comforted by Him and have a relationship with Him! Thank you for your sweet, encouraging and honest words today! We will get through this…with Him…together!! Take care of you…and your sweet family!
I’m sorry someone was upset with you for “whining” as they said, but I believe we all have a breaking point and if we feel we need to share it, whether here or to someone in our household and especially to God, it absolutely helps to know we are not alone. YOU are not alone and it is difficult to juggle everything, but admitting that is only human. You weren’t taking away from the difficulties of our front liners, but we also have a “front line” in our homes that need attending and God knows, it can stress us to the max sometimes. I’m glad you have found a way to re-set your frustrations by talking with God about it. I, too, have been stressed as have so many others, but our stress feels pretty dang important when we’re going through it. Try not to feel guilty, Tracy and absolutely take the time to share….with us, with God! Who knows, you just might reach a person who feels this same way and doesn’t know where to go….might lead them to prayer! Stay healthy!
I think we’re all in the same boat. You’re doing the best you can. Thank you for sharing your heart and I’m sorry someone sent you a mean email. I guess mean girls grow up to be mean women. You are loved by God and a lot of people!
I heard a great one, “We are all in the same storm. Not necessarily the same boat, but the same storm.” One of these days, we’ll all dock our boats back at shore and celebrate the storm is over!
Love this Post…thank you sweet lady.
Thank you for being honest and relatable. I think all of us are struggling in different ways with this situation. I am so glad we have a Father to run to. Thank you for including this song in your post.
Oh Tracy, I love your truthful heart. So sorry that someone would read it any differently. Yes, we have all kinds of feelings and that’s exactly what they are…feelings/emotions. They change like the wind. We know your heart is your kids & Family. We see it in every post of yours. So just cry the tears and show grace to yourself. I’m a grandma, old enough to be your mama,……so I’m talking to the “younger me”, as well. Have a great day, my friend.
Thank you for sharing this, Traci! It really touched my heart! The winks from the Lord – so sweet, and just like Him, isn’t it?! He meets us right where we are! Blessings on all of you! 🥰🌷💕
Thank you so much Traci for sharing your heart. This pandemic has been hard on everyone, in one way or another. Some have extreme hardships due to death of a loved one, others through loss of their job, others due to loneliness. It is so important for us to pray for one another! I only have one child at home in high school, so she is very independent, but stresses still happen. Starting our day with Jesus, reading God’s word and prayer is very important. Thanks for your post, and hope and pray that you stay well!
Thank you for sharing your sweet, sweet thoughts and experience.
Traci, I am so glad that you have found a new way to spend some quiet time with Jesus. I can only imagine the craziness 24/7 in your home. Yes, you love Cy and the kiddos to death, but you also need Traci time to keep your sanity. I honestly believe that the reason I am handling the pandemic fairly well is because I start each day reading my Bible and devotions. Keep doing whatever you have to do so that you can start each day with Him! He will help you have better days.
I never take your commentary to be negative toward your family. Your love for them is obvious!! You are being honest in saying out loud that parenting/family is wonderful AND it is hard. It’s both all at the same time. When people try to act like everything is perfect, we open ourselves up for all kinds of emotional turmoil. I see your heart and appreciate your honesty and perspective. xoxo.
Traci…..thank you for sharing this. I know you have helped many other young moms in this. These are trying times and everyone has gone through days/times like you have explained. We all can think of someone who has it worse than ourselves, but it doesn’t make what we are feeling at the time any less emotional. You did the exact thing you should have done. First, running to Jesus and second sharing what you learned with others. None of us when we complain or feel stressed from these days with Covid-19, ever mean to be disrespectful to the frontliners. I’m sorry you got an email from that person that was hurtful. It doesn’t take long to know from reading your blog that Jesus, your family and friends is what is important to you. Keep on doing the great work you do in sharing your faith with your readers, along with your gift of design and home makeovers :) We all need something fun to follow and look forward to in these times. I have, several times, over this time of isolation and staying at home, reminded myself that the hardest days I have are the ones I haven’t started my day out with devotions and time with God. He has always been faithful to me when I do. I’ll have to tell you something funny……I was headed to do just that, spend time with HIM and I got distracted and started reading your sisters blog. I love her blog and then I got off track and now I am finall, hours later getting to my bible time. I went for a walk after reading Cyndi’s blog, as I felt stressed and needed to walk it off. Jesus should have been first and my walk would have felt that much better. LOL Thanks again for sharing your heart and hang in there. I know it must be hard to juggle all you are juggling in your household. Someone said to me not long ago and it helps me when I get to feeling down. They said, “The very thing you are complaining about or stressing about is the very thing someone else is praying for. ” I know this and so I have to stop and remind myself and then it sends me to prayer for our frontliners. My mind never leaves what those healthcare workers in New York are doing. Well, not just New York but all over. My son and husband both are first responders and my daughter is a nurse, so I know the sacrifice they make along with others. But, they are all healthy so far and I thank God for that. Love to you. Keep up being you. You are so sweet.
God is the perfect one to share our feelings. He knows our heart. He knows that we know there is always someone worse off than we are but He also wants to hear what is bothering us too.. I am always overwhelmed by His love and how He treats each one of us as if we are His only child. Praise the Lord that you have found peace and comfort with Him.
Thank you Traci for that. I needed it!
Love that song!
Blessings to you❤
I’m sure it wasn’t personal. It’s about what they are going through. We are all stressed and sometimes forget to be kind. We may all be in the same storm, but we are not all in the same boat. Some have a more difficult struggles than others.
Thank you for your post today! It reminded me that I need to be doing the same thing. God does re-charge us, but I often forget to go to the source.
Just as Covid-19 hit the US in a big way I lost my only sibling to a brief illness. (Our parents have already passed on.) He lived with us those last three weeks and I treasure that time with him. Within days after being released from the hospital he had a list of things he wanted to get done. One of them was to plan his funeral which surprised me. So we first met with the funeral director. Then Roger personally called to ask each of his friends or cousins that he wanted to serve as pallbearers. He contacted a high school friend (he graduated 50 years ago) and asked if he would play at his funeral. That friend wanted to come for a visit and while here he asked about songs that Roger wanted played and/or sung. A week later her came back with his guitar and played the arrangement he’d come up with, then he played another song “just for my brother”. It meant so much Roger that he asked him to play it at the funeral also.
Then Roger passed. When the funeral director arrived we started talking about arrangements and that was when I first heard services we limited to 10 people, graveside only. It broke my heart that my brother could not have the funeral service he’d planned. And it also broke my heart that my many cousins wouldn’t be there. We are close and they are my support system. In the end we had a very nice graveside service. I hope to be able to have a memorial service for him in July.
Yes, this virus has touched each of us in way or another. And there are days I have to remind myself that I’m not the only one it affected. From a friend who hasn’t been able to hold her first grandchild, or a friend who’s suppose to marry in May (our state is on lockdown through the end of May), to not being able to meet with my Bible study groups or attend church, to the many others who have lost family or friends, and to those suffering from the virus. God will see us through this of that I am sure.
I’m also sorry that someone thought you were whining. I didn’t take it that way at all. I’m glad you found a solution to finding more time with our Heavenly Father. Blessings to all!
First, I’m sorry about that person sending that mean-girl email. Look how mightily that negativity has been minimized by the outpouring of positivity! You are such a “spiritual sister” for so many of us!! Thank you for that!!
Here’s my little story to hopefully give you a chuckle….. Every week the staff in our classroom each makes a video for our students. This past weekend, our video theme was starting anew, keep trying. (we’ve had lots of students not doing work, not trying, etc) Over the weekend I also attended an on-line summit on mindfulness and learned more about equanimity. So I started my video with telling the kids how I had learned a new word, “equanimity – the ability to remain calm in a stressful situation.” I finished the video, uploaded it to the classroom site and walked into the house to get to work on the computer. In my make-shift office in the corner of my sewing/storage room. Where I have been using a chrome book borrowed from the school and a computer mouse (because I’m all thumbs on a chrome book) borrowed from my husband. I clicked the mouse and nothing happened. I picked it up to move the mouse and there was no resistance. The mouse cord had been chewed completely in two!!! It was a special travel mouse with a retractable cord!! I looked it up on line to find a replacement and……I. Was. SICK!! That mouse was expensive!!!! Yep…. our cat that has oral issues had somehow gotten into the sewing/storage room and of all things to chew on….found the tiny bit of cord that had been sticking out and ruined a $75 mouse!!!! Oh Lord…..I had to practice what I just preached….EQUANIMITY!!! Lots of big breaths…..
Anyway…. keep your chin up. Thanks for keeping it real. We appreciate you!!! THANKS SO MUCH!!!
Just as Covid-19 hit the US in a big way I lost my only sibling to a brief illness. (Our parents have already passed on.) He lived with us those last three weeks and I treasure that time with him. A few days after being released from the hospital he had a list of things he wanted to get done. One of them was to plan his funeral which surprised me. We first met with the funeral director. Then Roger personally called and asked each of his friends or cousins that he wanted to serve as pallbearers. He contacted a high school friend (he graduated 50 years ago) and asked if he would play at his funeral. That friend wanted to come for a visit and while here he asked about songs that Roger wanted played and/or sung. A week later he came back with his guitar and played the arrangement he’d come up with, then he played another song “just for my brother”. It meant so much Roger that he asked him to play it at the funeral also.
Then my brother passed. When the funeral director arrived we started talking about arrangements and that was when I first heard services we limited to 10 people, graveside only. It broke my heart that he would not have the funeral service he’d planned. And it also broke my heart that my many cousins wouldn’t be there. We are close and they are my support system. In the end we had a very nice graveside service. I hope to be able to have a memorial service for him in July.
Yes, this virus has touched each of us in way or another. And there are days I have to remind myself that I’m not the only one it affected. From a friend who hasn’t been able to hold her first grandchild, or a friend who’s suppose to marry in May (our state is on lockdown through the end of May), to not being able to meet with my Bible study groups or attend church, to the many others who have lost family or friends, and to those suffering from the virus. God will see us through this of that I am sure.
I’m also sorry that someone thought you were whining. I didn’t take it that way at all. I’m glad you found a solution to finding more time with our Heavenly Father. Blessings to all!
I loved that song! We all need to run to Jesus during these very hard times, He’s the only one who can sustain us. Thank you for always sharing your heart with us each day. We love you and your family.
Traci, please don’t let someone invalidate what you are feeling. There are other mothers feeling the exact same way as you and your voicing it gave them assurance. There’s always going to be someone worse off than you. There’s also always going to be someone better off than you. That doesn’t make you any better or worse. It’s just your situation. For this one person that you offended, there are no telling how many that you helped. We ALL KNOW how much you love your children but gee whiz, 24-7 for weeks with anyone can be trying! Love you and you just keep doing what you’re doing.
❤️❤️❤️
Beautiful post. Just what I needed to read at the very end of a LOOONNNGGG day. Thank you for sharing.
I wanted to share what happened with me today. Hopefully this will lift your spirits to know not everyone is afraid to go out and shop. I wore my mask but no gloves, I wash my hands a lot! As I was maneuvering my way down one of the aisles, I realized I was going the wrong way down the one way aisle. For some reason it made me laugh and I said out loud, “i have always wanted to go down a one way street the wrong way!” . The lady in front of me laughed and said she was always afraid that might happen to her someday. I said “Now’s your chance! ” and we giggled like little girls. As I was going down the next aisle and saw a couple and the man asked his wife to scratch a spot on his back, and she complied. As I got closer I said ” So do you charge for that? ” they both laughed an he said I hope not!
I left the store with a smile on my face, having enjoyed this monthly chore, I had not looked forward to. Hope you find laughter and joy in everyday situations during this strange time.
Thank you for that! You always have the most wonderful outlook!
Thank you for sharing your heart. God shines through us when we are honest and human.
Thank you.
Hello sweet friend. It’s been a minute since you’ve heard from me but I’m still here lurching in the background and watching you family grow, change & thrive. :) I usually follow on youtube on my smart tv, which doesn’t give me the option to comment, (if you know how let me know). Thank you for sharing your message today. God used you in a wonderful way, because he has been quietly calling my name lately & I picked up my computer, pulled up your blog and it just seemed to me that it was another quiet whisper for me to come visit with him. Wishing your family well & praying for you all. Love…Tracy
Thank you for your honesty. It was an encouragement to me. He is always there!!!! How you start your day charts your day.
Blessings form NC.
Thanks for sharing. I saw your post last night and waited till today to read. I needed it. I am going to work three days a week but my husband is working from home and beside that we are remodeling kitchen and breakfast area. It gets to be a little much as you said. But as I went on read your post I got to thinking of the song you and I both heard growing. So many memories started flooding my mind. We are so blessed and we must give God all the Glory. Last thing in my post the Church steeple and the Cross as I visit my Mom each day right there in front of me are both. She lives close to the Church we attend. I do take for grant seeing them each time. I know now I will stop and give God more praise. You and your family stay safe and well.
Ce Ce